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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
STUDENT: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
STUDENT: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher....snakes don't have feet!
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
STUDENT: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is....
TEACHER: No, Ellen, Always say "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat", "defense", and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.
TEACHER: If you had one rand and you asked your father for another, how many rands would you have?
VINCENT: One rand.
TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly) You don't know my father.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!!
